My birthday is coming up. Yet again. In just a few hours.
It is in times like these that people get to evaluating their lives. That they start recapitulating what they have done, evaluate their decisions, their accomplishments, and their failures and shortcomings.
I have to admit, for a moment there I got depressed. I felt as if I had not been as succesful as I had hoped I’d be by the age of 37. Or done all the things I had hoped I would have done. Or my life was at the point I would want it to be. And most of all I felt that since I can not do all the things I want to be doing, because of MS, I am somehow lacking.
I know that all of this is in my head – for the most part. So, I sat there and, priding myself in being a rational and logical person (how very Vulcan of me), and thought about it for a while. The conclusion I got to is that I am doing OK. In fact better than I would have expected.
I can still move about independently. I can do most things on my own, although I get tired extremely easily. I have a challenging job that I actually enjoy going to every day. I am educated, smart, funny. And by no means insufficient.
On the medical front, despite being repeatedly refused treatment and medication by the state, for various reasons which we will not get into at this point, I am optimistic. MS seems to be constantly on the news, with new developments and promising treatments.
More importantly, despite my dark days, I am happy. And the best possible feeling is to see that you can still bring joy and be helpful to the people around you. Because, let’s face it, I am good.