It’s hard to get back… but here I am

There comes a time when you run out of excuses for not doing something you should have been.

That time is now.

I feel exhausted. Not just physically, but mentally too. Doing work, any work, even the enjoyable work like writing blog posts, cooking, or shooting my bow, is damn nearly impossible. There are times I over-think (talk to some of my friends and they’ll say it’s the mode) and feel despair – about myself, life, society, the planet. I usually pull my self out of this hole by employing simple techniques – think about all the amazing things I have accomplished. Accomplished despite my physical shortcomings. And of course simplifying everything – from the chores I need to do, to interpersonal relations, to work processes (a bit more on that in a coming blog post near you).

Now, I know I’ve written something like this before. Again in an attempt to revive my blog. Be more productive. Maintain my brain capacity. Well, that failed miserably, with my last post last August.

Or did it?

Well, let’s have a look at what I did over the past six months. (This exercise should please my godmother, who insists that my posts are pessimistic and depressing)

I continued working. A task that most may find trivial, but to me it’s anything but. And since my contract is expiring in early November 2018, I have even started thinking about and preparing for what I can do after that.

I took two trips, one to the Greek islands for a wedding and then to Athens, a second trip to London. Both times walking was a must, and with my range currently at about half a mile (800m) that was no walk in the park. But I got through some rough patches with the help of my sister and my brother (hey, Mike, remember when I had to hold onto your shoulder but we still walked almost two miles?)

I took part in nine archery games – with a tenth coming at the end of the month and another two before the Summer. On one case I had just had an episode, on a second I was still recovering from pneumonia. But, hey, do what you love, right?

I still cook. With the same intensity and passion as I did a year ago, when I had optic neuritis. And not that I prepare the food I eat each day or something, but it bloody tastes awesome. Hey, the idea of a cooking book was even floated – not cooking by chefs for presentation and pizzazz, but cooking for simplicity.

I have managed to keep up with my friends and family. I go for coffee, I go to movies, I even go for drinks – although I don’t drink alcohol any more. It takes a lot sometimes, but it is well worth it. The moments spent with them, no matter how short sometimes, how tiring, how annoying at times, are priceless. To me at least. And I intent to keep having them.

Now, there are a lot more things I have done, and I still do for that matter. Too many to list, or crudely group. But the point is that I am still functional – simpler but functional. And a lot of obstacles (and lack of awareness by society) I have identified for people with disabilities – even mild ones.

 

PS: can you tell how hard it was for me to write even this incoherent post, that has no clear end and conclusion? Can you tell how hard it was for me to even find the right words for the post?

 

 

Feature image is mine. No, really. Which brings me to my next point: I have considered turning my blog into a photo blog (I know I can do that for free on Instagram). Any thoughts? I’d love to hear from you. Just drop me a line in the comments section.

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One thought on “It’s hard to get back… but here I am

  1. I really enjoyed reading you.
    It is pure expression from within.
    My favourite.
    I will go through every post!
    It will take sometime.
    But I feel I have read this post, the write moment.
    I had a weird day ( weirdness was within ). Tears came in my eyes many times of the day.
    It was like repeating the same question : Why life isn’t it easier?
    And …. from now on, on my turning point, there is no excuse…. really no excuse…. just live my life!!!

    Like

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