When living with a chronic and debilitating disease there are things you or even your doctors cannot change, things that you really have to accept in order to adjust and move forward with creating a productive life. Then there are things that require a bit of adjustment, things that would facilitate both you and a large part of the population that we do not think need any assistance. These things require a society that works for the good of the whole, not just a collection of people that happen to be living close to one another in villages, towns, or cities. And they could change with a bit of understanding and action on everyone’s part.
That was the word I was anxiously looking for the other day during a discussion with some friends. Simple word, common I dare say. And it came to me a good six or seven hours later. Much help it would be at 3 o’clock in the morning. It’s not like I could call anyone – or even text them for that matter – and say “you know that word I was stuck on earlier tonight? Well, it’s…” Besides, I even ran the risk of forgetting what I called for while I was calling. That would be embarrassing, not to mention waking someone up in the early hours of the morning on a school night would be extremely rude.
I’ve spent the past few months, since my contract in the financial sector expired and I decided to reposition my career path but I was unable to do so because my health had been deteriorating, thinking about this phrase. Considering that I am unable to do a lot of things I used to, and what that meant for me personally. After all, everyone wants to be productive members of society, we all want to contribute, to make a difference.
The feelings of ineptitude that bubbled up made me feel helpless. So, what did I do? At first I overanalyzed it. And then I felt despair. That feeling that you are worthless, unworthy, even a poser. But then, as I often do, I rationalized the situation. And watched a lot of Netflix in the process, but that is another issue that has a lot to do with my tendency to procrastinate.
We live in the age of social media. Devouring (and more often than not parroting) an avalanche of information, both good and bad. We have an opinion on everything. We consume reality programming and situational content with more ease than we usually drink water. And we seem to believe anything that pops up on our screens, without ever questioning the credibility of the source, the logic behind what is dished out to us. We have become mindless drones.
Being at risk of relapsing into my former condition of not writing as often as I would like, here go some thoughts. Let me also clarify that the “as often as I would like” part of my sentence above in no way implies a need to write simply because I have to write something, in order to fulfil some egotistical need to speak. It is just an exercise, which I at least believe, will help keep my mind agile.
I do realise that it’s been a while since I posted anything. Yet again. But I meant to. Honestly. And I am not one for making up excuses – well, apologetic excuses that is. But, I do have one. Cognitive difficulties!